Love.Story.

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything uh to make them feel the same

Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
Do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
What do I gotta do to get to you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

-this song by brandy "have you ever", i like the lyrics...meaningful...-

afilyana; end of this chapter

ey... today...wat an emo dae it has been
i stole shir's blades n yeah... it happened again
turned out tt nt only me did it
yeah...majority of the cedarian population have gone thru or gg thru tt stage
tt slashing stage

so farnie lahh...isa was like 'why are u doing it'
den grace, shir and me were like
u're doing it too..wakakaka
ziling confiscated the blades...sobs..
but it's for our own good..
god at least someone in the class cares abit...
even someone i confided wif became cold towards me today
with the reason tt she was having a bad wk..i guess
*shrugs*

aft sch got ml meeting,
all went boinkers
sec 3s gonna take over tentatively for these 2 wks
while the sec 4s got mid yr
wakakakaka...and we hafta prepare post exam activity
which is our drama
and the grps must present to cikgu on thurs
goddd..we haven practise...wakakakaka

den went to esplanade to study
wif raudha and nailah
den fish came n yeah...
we got some food...sat by the riverside
supposed to study
coz tmr gt ss and emaths CT
super screwed lahhh
cant focus..
den i broke down...when fish asked me whether i was okay
den i told him abit..held my hand
tried to control myself coz i cant talk to him
dunno why...it's hard to confide in him
esp when he's oso having his probs
so i asked nailah whether i can call my kakak using her fon
and i poured out to kakak
i love my kakak..coz she talked some sense into me
fish came running giving me tissues
raudha and nailah were boinkers waiting for me
coz had to tolerate fish..wakakakaka
den raudha talked to me and all...
i guess i understood her better aft talking to her
and she oso let things out abit
den i was okayy...nailah went down...
she ran away wif IT...me n raudha had to chase her..
den we tried knocking sense into her..yeah..
bonding session wif the psychos.. it's a sadd thing to see..
we talked her into calling lyon.. i talked on behalf of her..
coz she cant bring herself to do it..i felt so bad leaving fish behind
yeah..had an emo day by the bay

fish became down too...n nailah wuz down...aft she tried to talk to lyon
den i became all sad and i teared...
why...coz i was so sad looking at my frens being down...
and the wrists and all..
it's hurting tt our close buddies are doing it..
my 2 psychotic buddies
sighs...so it has been one emo day today..
but it's worthwhile...coz it made me feel better
and bonded wif my buddies and my kakak more...
and wif my fish too.. sighs...

quoted frm my kakak..
"even when u feel ur world is like coming down on u,
u still haf frens ard who will help u up"
i guess it's true..and i just love my kakak more nw...

to my buddies, i guess all of us are gg thru tough times ryte nw
but things will be better if all of us unite and help one another up..
to my kakak, thanks for hearing me out... it really made me feel better
i noe nw hw it feels when u see ur close frens inflicting pain on themselves.
i'm sorry if i've hurt anyone.. okays..i'm jz gonna share the lyrics obsession frm frankie j.

Baby...

Amor , no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am i feeling (what am i doing wrong)
Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Is this an illusion that i have in my heart?...

Now i know your not my lady im just tryin tomake this right
I dont know what to do im going out of my mind
So baby if u let me could i getchu to say maybe we couldride together,
We could do this all nightnow i dont care if u got a man
Baby i wish you'd understand
Cuz i know he cant love u right, quite like i can
Its 5 oclock in the morning
And i still cant sleep
Thinkin 'bout your beauty it makes me weak
I'm feeling holpeless at homeI dont kno what to do, I think I'm in love

Amor no es amor [if this aint love]
Then what am I feleling [what am i doing wrong]
Amor, no es amor [if this aint love]
Is this an illusion that i have in my heart?

(OOO)I like the way u freaky like that
(OOO)I like the way u freaky like that
(OOO)I like the way u freaky like that
Its an obsession....

Hold up let me dream
Shorty got me feelin' less serene
Where my candy, where my cream
Got your boy feelin' supreme
Hold up wait a minute baby you so damnindependent
Loving everything your representing
Got alot of money, and i love to spend it
And thats whats up and i dont care what people scream
No im blessin when im stressin
My superfly beauty queen
Im gonna keep it saucy
Cuz my mon' know how i do,we gon' rende vous
me corrason belong to you

Amor ...no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling (what am i doing wrong)
what am i do wrong [echo]Amor, no es amor (if this aint love)
Is this an illusion that i have in my heart?
Amor... no es amor (if this aint love)
Then what am I feeling [what am i doing wrong]?what am i do so wrong [echo]

Amor, no es amor [if this aint love]
Is this an illusion that i have in my heart?
I dont know what to do,
I think I'm in loveI'm feeling hopeless in my heart
Thinkin bout your beauty it makes me Weak ....
And i still cant sleepIts 5 oclock in the morning
Im tossin turning in my bedI dont know if its right
But its driving me so crazyAnd i dont know how to take it
Got me twisted into things
Just thinkin bout you baby
And my heart is really mourning
Its early in the morning

Check check ...this happened for real ...baby bash..yo.. frankie j.... obession

afilyana; end of this chapter

the feeling of losing someone really sucks.
and the feeling of being a disappointment sucks too.
i've disappointed my parents.
i've disappointed miss chong.
i've disappointed some ppl in my life.

the fact of losing someone very dear to me
is really putting me down.
da fact whereby the place in my heart occupied by my dear sisters,
Shaniszah and Aishah
can nvr be replaced by anyone.
coz dey matter alot to me.

to my family esp my parents, i'm really sorry i've not been doing my best as the oldest sister.
and to my sisters, sorry if i've been irritating enuff. and i'll always love my sisters and my family.
to the ppl i've disappointed, i'll try harder.

[[oleander rocks. ole cheerleading rocks. hard work and spirit paid off today]]

afilyana; end of this chapter

hehe. my days have been crazy.
been hyper since yest. laughing and bouncing ard sch non-stop.
in class laughing like hell. wakakaka.
den dearie was like.."afi, wat's wrong wif u?"
wakakaka...den she was like giving me tt look like...
wat happened ah yest... whee~
caught mrs chaiw stumbling on her words
like photosyntheTHEsis. wakakaka.

yeah...yest watched guess who wif nailah, raudha, lyon and bro.
shall not go into explicit details. wakakaka.
da movie kinda rocked lahh..esp when somebody is paying for u.
like wat aishy always say "becoz...FREEE!!" wakakaka..

sth happened on sat nite at 1130 pm..yeah...dat wuz my longest conference.
3 plus hrs. and another long call wif bro. yeah...slept at 4.30 am.
woke up nearly 7am. and got ready for class. wuz kinda awake but tired in class.
got my biscuits and sweets to keep me awake. da talk bout kiamat and stuff
is freaking me out like shit. like...noooooo!!

oh..my tests kinda getting suckier. like wth. well so long as i'm happy.
as in i'm not down and depressed n wtvr shit.
coz somebody is always dere to make my day. wakakaka..
like my sisters etc. my parents were happy to see me happy.
dey were like...if everyday i'm like this...is good. make dem happy too. =)
*touched*

okie. i'll end of wif a malay poem i got frm the internet.
got some link wif me. maybe. okie. my darleeng sisters!
a biiiggggg kiss frm me to u! -muaaaakkkkkkzzzz-

Antara kita ada sesuatu...
perasaan yang sukar diungkapkan
mahu kuluahkan terasa malu
ibarat tiada kata-kata mampu membentuk
bait ayat terindah
sepertimana aku dambakan

aku pun tersentak
terasa ada sesuatu menyentap
sejak kehadiran kau

kau buat aku termangu
terpukau tanpa kata
ada sesuatu antara kita
aku dapat merasakan
isyarat itu terlalu kuat
tapi kau dan aku tetap berlagak biasa
seolah tiada sesuatu antara kita
kau tersenyum, aku tersenyum
namun sesuatu itu tetap melingkari antara kau dan aku

afilyana; end of this chapter

i haven been uploading much. have been kinda bz.
and com wuz down. sighs. oh..things have been kinda down lately.
but i juz had a talk wif my family juz nw. my parents were damn worried
when dey saw my wrist. like mrs woo always say to me,
"dere's always a silver lining behind every dark cloud"

for me, my life is not worth the probs im facing.
this have taught me alot of things.
i bonded wif my sisters more. my classmates.
wif nailah. i realise my true frens and all.
apparently, the ppl i trust, i gotta know juz backstabbed me.
thanks so much. nvr trust anyone. i regretted loving u.
i dun understand why ppl are disliking nailah.
most dun even noe her well enuff to judge her.
like ms naia said to me,
when someone wants to help another person, she will tend to go thru tough times wif others.
so wat dey wanna say, i dun give a damn. their mouth.
coz i know i got my other frens. my sisters. my cousins and my family!!

things haf kinda affected my health badly. i hyperventilated alot this few days.
my chest really hurts nw. oh, to all, live life to the fullest. easy to say. but dun keep probs to urself. coz by doing tt, u might actually hurt someone and make her worry indirectly.

i'm very touched by what my dear kakak said on her blog. this is what she wrote:
to my adek, true frens wont ditch u when influenced. they stay with u thru thick and thin. even when ur in de wrong, dey are willing to face the consequences together even though dey noe nth abt it. dats true frenship. whatever happens to u..me and aish will always be beside u. true we have our own lives..but ur part of our life. so yeah. muaks.

to all who have helped me these few days. thanks alot. i really appreciate alot.
to my sisters, sorry if i've been a burden to u guys. i really appreciate da care and concern.
i realise my true frens and u guys are one of them. no word can express my gratitude and love for u guys.

let me end my post with a quote. "giving in doesnt mean u lose everything"

aku bukan boneka, yang bisa diperlakukan semahunya. namun cinta ini kupertahankan kerana, aku masih setia. di sudut hatiku ku masih percaya, dikau kan kembali. seperti semula.

afilyana; end of this chapter

damn. i haven been blogging.
seriously busy. plus the fact i'm banned frm com.
dun ask me hw i got to use it nw.
coz daddy sleeping. so he sort of lemme use it.

i'm no longer the same afi i used to be.
i'm so sad. wat's gg on in me..
where's the alive and happy afi..?
gone. disappear. vanished.

daddy been very naggy since yest.
where's peace in da hs manx.. so i wuz kinda pissed the whole day.
tolerated daddy's nonsense. until at night. when i sort of at a high level of piss-ness.
so i kinda talked back to daddy. like hw i always talk to my buddies when i'm pissed.
it came out unintentionally. at the heat of the moment.
i'm terribly sorry mama and daddy. i'm nt the same daughter anymore.
i'm juz a lousy girl tt no one wants.

i'm so stressed and pressurized.
wif everything ard me. i hafta break someone's heart today.
i'm so sorry. i've alot on my mind. i duwan to lead u on.
it'll be so unfair to u. i'm terribly missing my sisters.
i'm terribly missing my sayangs. esp u ....
i dunno why i'm juz so stressed.
maybe becoz of guides. but CF is overrr..
maybe becoz of internal conflicts, but i cant be bothered to waste my time n energy on them.
maybe becoz of my studies, okayy, maybe..but i'm still trying my best.
so what am i doing here online??
daddy say i'm wasting alot of time. sort of grounded. dunno why. sighs.
i'm gg straight home aft sch. depending whether i gt xtra lessons/remedials anot.
i'm gonna be a geek frm nw. in my own world.
not gg to bother bout others. why must i? no one even bother bout me.
let's juz say afi's gone. the one walking ard nw is her empty soul.
sadness overshadows her. boulevard of broken dreams.

special thanks to my twins, nailah n munirah..
my sisters, who haf been wif me ups and downs da seesaw..
my buddies and my ever so caring guide-mates... (shirlyn, keet, shir, murny,sheena,liying)
okayy..thanks to everyone...

world peace. hah. n to U!! i'm missing u so much. jz by seeing u jz nw makes me fly.

afilyana; end of this chapter

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